Beauty.

This weeks been pretty great so far. So... yesterday I got to hold one of our patients baby for a while so he could do his work out. It was so great! I can't wait til I get to be a mom:) && today I bought this nail polish that just happens to be the exact color that I have been wanting for a long time. Its been so great though... Also.. today I saw Greg Gardner at school and he came up and talked to me for a while. It was kind of great and he is so fun!He asked for my number and he's been texting me all day long. Unfortunately... That isn't why my week went well... So... remember the boy that I told you about? From work.. Well he came in yesterday. He talked to me for a  minute and just made my whole day. I don't know what it is about him but he's defiantly pretty special. Just him being in the room makes me happier than I have been in a long time. There's just something about him that weakens me.. I wish I could save this emotion for someone that actually has an interest in reciprocating it but I cant help it. He hasn't worked in a while and I wasn't planning on seeing him this week. That's probably why I was so happy when I did see him. I wonder if maybe this is Gods way of telling me to wait for the right person... to not settle.. Often times I find myself trying to convince myself that I have feeling for a person that I really have no feeling for. Maybe this is His way of saying that when I know.. Ill know.. But anyway.. its only Tuesday and already I've  had a wonderful week. Im excited to see the rest of my week play out!

The 411

I'm constantly missing someone that I hardly know. The worst part is that although I miss him terribly, I still see him multiple times during the week. I sometimes wonder why loving/caring about someone is so difficult. The world would be a much better place if we were only capable of loving those that love us as well. I heard this song once that said something along the lines of, "I've seen love die way too many times when it deserves to be alive". This is one of the most truthful things I've heard in a long time. Often times we look at our current situation and become unsatisfied with how things are going. We are constantly fantasizing about a live that we assume would be 'more fulfilling' than our current life.

Why does loving someone have to be so hard? I understand why there are shows called the bachelor or bachelorette... Its because Americans make television shows about things that we deem very difficult to do. You have Survivor because surviving is hard, Iron Chef because cooking is hard, and The Bachelor because the fact that our society has ruined our outlook on love, it is basically impossible to find someone worthy of spending a life with. What's wrong with us and our perceptions of love? Why do we assume that every love story has to start in the exact same way that every other story has starts just because that is the way we saw it on television. A tad bit unoriginal wouldn't you say? I wonder if this is the reason there is so much divorce in the world today.. because society tells us that if our love story does not go perfectly then it isn't 'true love'.

You know the funny thing though.. I'm not sure I have ever seen a movie (besides The Notebook) where you saw how the relationship turned out after the courtship. Its always 'and they lived happily ever after' ... What the f... What does that mean? I'm not sure I believe that one.. but 'and they lived happy for a while and then eventually got bored of each other' doesn't have a very nice ring to it.. But the worst thing I think society does that ruins falling in love... They tell us that certain things are unacceptable (which actually are acceptable)... and that certain things are acceptable... (When their not)

Things Like......
He's too old for you.. When he's not
Older Women can date men significantly younger than them.. Which they can't
Its alright to yell at your significant other.. Its not
You can be a psycho and total your boyfriends car (Carrie Underwood).. Not okay
Meeting someones parents is like this huuuugge deal.. Really shouldn't be that big of a deal
Choking out your boyfriend/husband is okay.. No
If you're famous enough then it's okay to have affairs.. It's never okay
You need to live with your significant other before marriage to see if it 'works'.. No you don't
Divorce is a quick and easy solution if it doesn't work out.. It's ugly and painful.. nothing easy about it.

I wish it were just a little bit easier than it is... Life is made out to be a lot more difficult than it actually is.

Rules Of Chivalry.. That Most Guys Get Wrong.

I’m sure Carl (not his real name) thought he was being sweet when he asked, “Can I kiss you?” But I didn’t. I thought it was cheesy as hell. Unless you’re a “Carl,” you probably know better than to do dumb things like request a woman’s permission before you lay one on her, or toss your blazer over a puddle to shield her stilettos from water. But do you know how other chivalrous moves come off these days -- which ones women now consider offensive, and which ones possess the power to (sometimes literally) charm her pants off? You will. 

Do: Guide her through the room
Put your hand on the small of her back as you’re walking together at a party or a restaurant and you might as well be George Clooney in her mind. Just make sure to keep your hand a solid four inches above her ass or you risk crossing into skeevy-perv territory. 

Don’t: Write her a love letter
Sending her a sappy email about how amazing your third date was might be cute to her after the first read, but at least one of the five friends she’ll forward it to will convince her that the note means you’re a player or a stalker (or both). So step away from the keyboard.

Do: Open the car door for her
Any guy can (and should) hold a door open for a woman. It’s something strangers do for other strangers entering a CVS. But you actually have to walk to the other side of the car to open that door for us. I’m not saying you have to do it every time, but on a first date or a special occasion, this simple gesture can score you major points.

Don’t: Insist on paying for everything
Offering to foot the bill for dinner and drinks when you first start dating is fine. But suggesting that you fund shopping sprees and mani-pedi appointments? Don’t do it. You’ll come off like a showoff prick who’s enabling her to become dependent on you for everything she wants.

Do: Move her to the inside of the sidewalk
Every woman likes to think that you’d rather she not be run over by an Escalade. Make this move and she’ll know it’s the truth. Plus, it’s a perfect way to show her your protective side without coming off like a controlling jerk.

Don’t: Let her win
Throw the game and she’ll know you held back and will assume that you’re sexist, or she’ll believe you’re actually that terrible at arm wrestling or Words With Friends. Neither scenario makes her want to see you again. However, if you’re legitimately en route to victory, don’t rub it in her face by running up the score. That’s just being a jerk.

"What Do Kisses Mean?" John Bytheway

John Bytheway, “What Do Kisses Mean?,” New Era, Oct 2004, 39

There’s an old nursery rhyme that begins, “Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry.” When you’ve heard that little poem, you may have wondered, “What made the girls cry?” Aren’t kisses nice things that anyone would appreciate? Perhaps it all depends on whether or not Georgie Porgie was an honest person or just a selfish young man who didn’t think about the consequences of his actions.
Actions Speak Louder than Words

An important part of dating is communicating. We communicate by sharing our thoughts, ideas, and feelings. We enjoy being with someone when we have an easy time communicating or when we have a lot to talk about. There’s another aspect of communication, however, that doesn’t involve talking—or using any words at all.

All of us know how to communicate without using words. Some of our nonverbal communication speaks loud and clear. With that idea in mind, let’s ask a few questions.

Suppose you are on a date, and you put your arm around your date’s shoulder. This is a common gesture of affection, but what does it communicate?

How about, “I like you”?

What if you hold hands with your date? That’s perhaps a stronger message, isn’t it? Maybe that’s like saying “I really like you.”

Finally, what if you kiss your date? Then what are you saying? What do kisses mean, anyway?

Expressions of affection, like putting your arm around someone’s shoulder, holding hands, or giving a kiss good night, involve the principle of honesty. Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy cautioned young adults to make sure their actions match their intent: “During the time of courtship, please be emotionally honest in the expression of affection. Sometimes you are not as careful as you might be about when, how, and to whom you express your feelings of affection. You must realize that the desire to express affection can be motivated by other things than true love.”

If you are emotionally honest you should mean what you say but also mean what you do. Because our expressions of affection send such powerful messages, they involve powerful feelings. Elder Hafen continued: “When any of you—men or women—are given entrance to the heart of a trusting young friend, you stand on holy ground. In such a place you must be honest with yourself—and with your friend—about love and the expression of its symbols.” 1

One young woman allowed a young man to kiss her and later discovered that he had also kissed someone else he was dating. She felt betrayed. Why? Because his expressions of affection didn’t carry the level of commitment she thought they did. This kind of miscommunication often leads to hurt feelings and tears. President Thomas S. Monson, First Counselor in the First Presidency, cautioned, “Men, take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears.” 2

Had this couple communicated better in words what expressions of affection mean, they would have postponed the sharing of affection and avoided the heartache that comes when it appears that one has lied with his actions.

Likewise, young women should not put young men in awkward or uncomfortable situations by their actions. They have an equal obligation to keep affection within appropriate bounds.

Remember, before you are married, you will be more respected and more attractive for the affection you withhold than for the affection you give.
Save Your Kisses

While I am aware of no counsel on whether kissing should be reserved only for post-mission dating or courtship, I am aware of plenty of counsel concerning honesty in our actions and treating others with respect and kindness. Casual attitudes about expressions of affection such as kissing can cause much grief and heartache.

President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) taught: “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?” 3

Notice the words President Kimball used to describe a kiss: affection, honor, admiration, sacredness. Kissing and other expressions of affection communicate powerful messages of commitment that others may believe and act on. If you don’t have a commitment, your actions are dishonest and likely harmful. Two thousand years ago, someone else’s actions didn’t match his words either. Listen to the stinging rebuke: “Judas, betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?” (Luke 22:48). Judas used a symbol of affection as a tool of betrayal. We should not leave others feeling betrayed by our actions.
Can We Talk?

Another reason for being careful with our physical expressions of affection is that they can interfere with the development of a healthy long-term relationship, even marriage. Brother Lowell Bennion, an LDS author, has written: “Once a couple begins to share affection in a physical way, this activity tends to become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious faith, moral values, and goals.”

So when is the right time to share affection? Brother Bennion continues: “Affection should grow out of genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be sure of having real and lasting love in marriage. Kissing for the sake of kissing invites more affection, and many fine young people become more deeply involved than they actually wish to be.” 4

Too much sharing of physical affection can cloud thinking to the point that a couple doesn’t really know why they like to be together, other than the opportunity to share affection. A couple may even get married, and when the honeymoon is over and they’re back to everyday life, they may discover they have little to talk about. One wise bishop suggested that if young adults feel that their relationship is too physical, they should try spending the next two weeks without even holding hands to see if they still enjoy being together.

The desire to be with someone, to spend time together, and to share affection is natural and God-given. But the Lord has cautioned us to be careful, considerate, and honest not only in what we say but in what we do. When kisses are reserved only for those we respect, admire, and are committed to, they are much more meaningful and definitely worth waiting for.

Maybe Someday.

It seems that every time I decide to write in here it is late at night.. When really, I should just go to bed instead of staying up, over analyzing all of my feelings. Oh well, what can you do? So here it is. I'm going through a lot of different emotions lately. All the people that use to consume my life, are no longer here. Now in some ways that may be a sad thing but in most ways I appreciate it. The best thing about the last year is that I feel that I have grown more in this one year than in the like decade. The best part is that I have learned to let go of things that can't be changed. I use to hold onto things so tightly. Mostly in fear of losing something that meant so much to me. One thing I've realized is that, the only people I should be scared to lose are the ones that are also scared to lose me. In this last year I was able to let go of all the people that have disappointed me over the years. I've learned to really simplify my life. I've loved this because of the enormous stress it has taken away. I was texting Lexi today and we were joking about how we will never find anyone that we are satisfied with and even if we do.. we may not be satisfied with the fact that they're too perfect for us. Sometimes I feel like this is the story of my life. Do I constantly push people away because I am scared of having a future? I hope one day I will meet someone that shows me exactly why I have pushed so many others away. Maybe someday.

Waiting For Normal (Still)

You know the moments I hate... There the moments when you realize that some of the most important ppl in your life aren't who they said they are.

Like..

-The friend you see smoking outside the restaurantz

-The friend that egg'd your houseJ

-The friend that slipped up with her boyfriend and acted like it was no big dealvc

-The friend that got his girlfriend pregnantJ

-The friend that lied to you just to see if they'd get luckye

-The friend that was nice to you just because he needed a Prom dateK

-The friend that likes you but kissed your best friendD

-The friend that deals drugsJ

-The friends that go on a mission when everyone knows they shouldn'tNCB

-The friends that just don't go on missions for no reason at allKSC

-The friend that is abusive to his girlfriendB

Im so sick of fakes.. 95% of the kids I call my "friends" are the ones that I cant even remotely trust anymore. Why fake that your something that your not? Why put on an act? People don't understand how easily they show all their cards to everyone else. Every time I hear about a friend that's slipped up, it surprises me. Maybe that's because I expect more out of my friends.. Everyone has weaknesses but some are more unfortunate then others.. Why do people want so badly to be excepted? Its gross really.. honestly the only opinion that matters is you. This is simple stuff ppl.. come on.

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. In the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway